Weapon of Choice
by dazdnconfusd730
Summary: AU. All he'd wanted was a little fun and debauchery, and, hopefully, someone pretty to go home with for the evening. Instead he almost got blown into itty Naruto bits and was now being held several centimeters off the ground. By his neck.


"Next round's on me!"

A cheer went up around the club at the blonde's announcement. The man, a tender twenty two years of age, leapt down from the bar top that he'd stood on to yell out to the crowd, and promptly tripped and fell into the arms of a very beautiful young woman with pink hair.

Who immediately let him drop to the floor. "Ow, Sakura-chan!" he whined, rubbing his back and looking up at her. "What was that for?"

She glared down at him, crossing her arms over her chest. "What the hell is the matter with you, you moron? Didn't Tsunade tell you that you need to start acting like a mature, responsible adult?"

Naruto bounced to his feet, straightening the dark suit he was wearing. It was rumpled, the white shirt beneath it untucked and his tie undone and draped around his neck. "I think her exact words were, 'Stop being a buffoon,'" he said.

Sakura tapped her foot, looking like she was contemplating kicking him with those pointy heels she was wearing. Fortunately she was still in her skirt and blouse from the work day, and Naruto doubted she'd want to risk wrinkling herself by trying to beat him.

"And how, exactly, is getting drunk and buying rounds for an entire club full of people taking that advice?" she ground out between clenched teeth.

"I'm in a suit, aren't I?" Naruto said, sending a flirtatious grin at the busty brunette behind her. The bartender slid a Black Russian to him, and he took a healthy swig before adding, "Relax, Sakura-chan. I just wanted to celebrate my birthday in style."

"Your birthday was three months ago!"

"The throbbing vein look isn't flattering on you, Sakura-chan," he said, ignoring her comment entirely and heading out to the dance floor.

Sakura followed him. "And where is Kakashi?" she demanded. "He's supposed to be making sure you don't get into trouble."

"I'm his bodyguard, not his babysitter," a lazy voice replied. Both Naruto and Sakura started in surprise, turning to their right, where a lanky man was barely visible in the shadows under the steps that led to the second floor, one eye focused on the book in his hands. His hair was white and spiky, and he was wearing a black bandana that wrapped around his forehead and covered one eye as well as a mask that hid the bottom half of his face from view. (The man was never seen without either accoutrement, and anytime he was asked about them he'd brush off the subject. Naruto had decided that he was horribly disfigured and told him so often.)

Naruto managed to duck away while Sakura turned on his bodyguard, lecturing him about being lazy and unwatchful. He slipped into the crowd and got lost on the dance floor. The club was over filled and dark; he figured he probably had a good half an hour before Sakura could find him again. Of course, this was assuming Kakashi wouldn't help her – since he probably hadn't lost sight of him at all. It was a source of much curiosity how a man with one working eye could keep such good track of him.

* * *

><p>At the end of the bar sat a young man, silently nursing a gin and tonic, dark grey eyes fixed on the blonde agilely sliding through the crowd with a drink in hand, ignoring the pink haired woman trailing him. Black hair, long in the front, shorter and more spiked in the back, hung in his eyes, and he brushed a few strands impatiently out of his vision. He was wearing a pair of glasses with tinted red lenses, which made him look like a trendy club-goer. Already he'd waved off four different women who'd tried to get him to dance.<p>

_We sure this is the guy he wants?_ He slid his phone closed as the display told him the text had been sent.

A few moments later the phone vibrated. _He's the target Master specified. K has confirmed._

Behind his glasses, dark eyes rolled. He wanted to tell Kimimaro to stop calling their fucked up employer "Master", as it only added to his already bloated ego, but he wasn't stupid enough to put something like that in writing to Orochimaru's most devoted servant.

_No sign of bodyguard? _

He took a sip of his drink while he awaited the response.

_No visual confirm –the mark get away from him?_

Sasuke's lips pursed, taking another look around the club, concentrating on shadowy, out of the way areas people could lurk. Nothing.

_Wouldn't count on it. _

He slid his phone shut and placed it inside the breast pocket of his suit jacket. He looked up, scanning the crowd for the blonde hair of his target. He frowned when he didn't see him, straightening on his barstool and looking again.

"Gay?" a voice behind him said. Sasuke's head whipped around, only to see the blonde he was searching for leaning casually against the bar, smirking at him.

"What?" he replied, realizing the question (if it could be called that) had been directed at him.

The blonde turned and signaled to the bartender for a drink for both him and Sasuke, sliding his empty glass across the bar top. "Just wondering if you were gay."

Sasuke blinked at him through the red lenses of his glasses, face remaining fairly impassive, considering the question. "Why?"

The bartender gave the man his drink and placed another gin and tonic in front of Sasuke.

"Well," the blonde said, taking a sip. "You've turned down several smoking hot ladies since you sat down, and you've barely taken your eyes off me all night."

"I was just watching to see how much of an idiot you could make of yourself in one evening," Sasuke replied, not showing just how much it ruffled him that the mark had noticed him. He was supposed to be better than that.

The blonde's smirk faded quickly. "I'm not being an idiot, I'm having a good time!" he said, taking another drink.

"Guess there's a fine line," Sasuke replied, turning from him dismissively, only to realize the pink haired woman from earlier had caught up to the blonde.

"Uzumaki Naruto!" she exclaimed, glaring at the man as he knocked back another drink. "We weren't—" Her eyes fell on Sasuke. "…finished…"

His cell phone buzzed in his pocket, but he had too many eyes on him now. He ignored them both and took another drink, hoping they'd go away.

"Who's your friend, Naruto?" the woman asked, her earlier cold brusqueness melting from her features as she smiled sweetly at him. If the red lenses on his glasses weren't transparent, he would have rolled his eyes at her.

"Just some cranky bastard, Sakura-chan," Naruto replied. "I wouldn't waste your time on him anyway, he's gay."

"What?" Sakura and Sasuke said simultaneously. Sasuke refrained from slapping his palm to his forehead when he realized that that wasn't exactly ignoring them.

"Sorry about his rudeness," Sakura said, giving a fake sounding laugh. "He just doesn't have any manners." She offered him a manicured hand. "I'm Sakura."

His gaze flickered disinterestedly from her hand to her face. His phone vibrated again. Then again. He stood, sliding past Sakura and disappearing into the crowd, which had begun to surge as the DJ put on a song with a heavy beat. Over the pounding music he barely heard his target gleefully cry, "Oh! Total blow off!" and Sakura give an indignant screech.

He pushed through the mass of bodies, all dancing and sweating as the music played and the lights pulsed, pulling out his phone as he made his way toward the exit. He was aborting for tonight; this wasn't going to work with his own target compromising him.

There were three texts, all from Kimimaro, as he expected.

_BG in the building, tread carefully. _

Sasuke paused in the middle of the crowd, ignoring the people dancing obliviously around him, most of them too drunk or high to even realize he was there. He knew the bodyguard wouldn't be far, whether they had originally seen him or not. And now with his mark actually speaking to him, he knew he would have been spotted. Shit, this was just sloppy.

He still couldn't find the target's guard, a fact that was none to comforting.

Glancing at the phone in his hand he scrolled to the next message.

_Akatsuki. Make move now. _

"Shit," Sasuke said, head snapping up, black bangs flying from his eyes. What the fuck were they doing here?

"Not really your scene, is it Sasuke-kun?"

Sasuke stiffened, and glanced over his shoulder at the speaker. A lanky man was standing in a surprisingly clear area of the dance floor, one visible eye focused on the book in his hands. His hair was white and spiky, and he was wearing a black bandana that wrapped around his forehead and covered one eye as well as a mask that hid the bottom half of his face from view.

Sasuke didn't turn to face him. "I could say the same for you, Kakashi."

"Oh, you know me. Hip and fun." He turned a page in his book, one of the usual perverted novels he'd always used to read back when he'd trained Sasuke.

Sasuke glanced down at his phone, surreptitiously flipping to the third and final text message from Kimimaro.

_Any time now. Things are about to get messy. _

Sasuke slid his phone closed and turned to face Kakashi.

"What's Orochimaru want, Sasuke-kun?" the older man asked, pulling his gaze from his book and tucking it into his back pocket.

"Orochimaru's the least of your problems, Kakashi," he said.

The man's visible eyebrow slid into a frown. He might have said something more, but there was suddenly a loud boom from the entrance, and the entire club shook on its foundation. Sasuke ducked, having half expected this. Kakashi was already gone, no doubt rushing off to protect Naruto.

Smoke filled the air as the front of the club burned from the explosion, which Sasuke was sure was thanks to some type of small bomb. Akatsuki had a reputation for doing whatever it took to achieve their goals and innocent bystanders rarely factored into their calculations. The music was still playing, the beat pumping steadily, though the actual melody was being drowned out by the screams of the club goers as they ran in a panic for alternate exits.

His phone buzzed in his hand and he glanced down. The number was restricted, but he knew it was Kimimaro.

"Yeah?" His tone was calm, almost blasé, as the place around him burned. He stepped back as a crying woman stumbled by, rushing for the side exit.

"Good. You're alive." Kimimaro's inflection was utterly emotionless, and Sasuke was certain the man couldn't have cared less if he'd been blown into potpourris. "Do you have the target?"

"No." Sasuke glanced around for the blonde, picking his way back over to the last spot he'd seen him. The club had vastly emptied of people since the explosion, but was now filled with smoke and debris. The lights were still dimmed, and had gone into the strobe setting, giving the whole place the look of a stupid haunted house.

There was a 'tsk noise, and Sasuke could practically feel Kimimaro's disdain through the phone. "I suggest you acquire him before Akatsuki does."

"Which Akatsuki member is it?" he asked, stepping over a body that was crushed under a chunk of the ceiling.

"It doesn't matter, you're there on Orochimaru-sama's business, not your own."

Sasuke rolled his eyes. "It matters if I'm going to have to fight them for the same target. And what exactly is so special about that loser that Akatsuki's after him too?"

"Sasuke-kun, it isn't our place to ask what or why, it's simply our place to follow Orochimaru-sama's orders."

Sasuke chose not to answer, since he really didn't give a damn what Orochimaru wanted.

A shrill scream of a woman suddenly pierced through the music. "Naruto!"

Sasuke swiveled to look in the direction of the cry, squinting through the smoke. Several silhouettes were visible, but he couldn't make out exactly what was happening. This could be an easy grab job if he could time it right. He just needed Akatsuki and Kakashi to keep one another busy. "I'll call you when I've got him."

He hung up and slid the phone into his pocket, then tapped the side of his red glasses, activating them.

* * *

><p>Naruto's day was not going as planned. All he'd wanted was a little fun and debauchery, and, hopefully, someone pretty to go home with for the evening. Instead he almost got blown into itty Naruto bits and was now being held several centimeters off the ground. By his neck.<p>

He tried to kick the fucker whose hand was wrapped around his throat – he was strong, he'd give him that – but the guy had him held at arm's length and Naruto's legs couldn't reach him. To make matters worse, the guy was just plain ugly. He had to be almost seven feet tall, and his skin seemed to be a weird pallor (granted, it was hard to tell with the strobe lights) and he had several scars below both his eyes. He was wearing a stupid looking black robe with red clouds on it.

Gangs were getting worse and worse fashion sense every day.

"Runty little thing, ain't he?" the beefy man sneered, grip tightening and fully cutting off Naruto's flow of air. He grinned, revealing a set of sharp looking teeth, as Naruto's hands ineffectually clawed at his wrist. "I could crush his neck right now."

"Yes. Don't." The words held a fair amount of bemusement but also a tone of sharp authority that caused the grip on his neck to loosen enough to allow him to breathe.

Next to the dick holding him hostage stood a more normal sized man, oddly familiar for some reason Naruto couldn't place. He was dressed in the same robe, but was far more attractive with long black hair framing his face.

"Naruto!" Sakura cried as she appeared through the smoke and spotted his predicament. They'd gotten separated in the explosion and she now looked completely disheveled, pink hair that had been up in a neat bun now mostly hanging in her face. She ran towards them, but stopped a couple meters away, keeping her distance from the two men. "Let him go!"

The man holding him up laughed. "Sorry sweetheart, your boyfriend's got to come with us."

"Please, like I'd date that dope!" Sakura snapped back.

"Hey!" Naruto tried to yell, but it came out as more of a gasp.

The man holding him laughed again.

The dark haired guy turned suddenly, catching Kakashi's leg, which had been in mid-roundhouse, about to slam into the back of ugly dude. Naruto had no idea where the hell his bodyguard had come from, and was even more surprised when this man was able to actually stop him.

That didn't seem good.

Kakashi, however, didn't seem fazed, and he pulled his leg from the man's grip and took a step back, assessing the situation. His book, for once, was in his pocket.

"Hatake Kakashi," the dark haired man said over the music that was still playing. The club had emptied out, save for a few stragglers and those left injured or dead from the explosion. "I was wondering when you would appear."

"Kakashi, do something!" Sakura said.

"I'll be taking Naruto home now," Kakashi said, causing the big ugly dude to laugh again. Naruto was suddenly sort of glad the guy had him at arm's length, because he could smell his breath from here.

"Sorry," the dark haired one said. "That doesn't fit in with our plans."

"Which are?" Kakashi asked.

"Not your business," the man replied, before agilely launching himself at Kakashi, fist raised. Kakashi blocked the blow and the two of them began to fight in earnest, both appearing extremely skilled at taijutsu.

The big guy, meanwhile, grinned at Naruto, who was still struggling to no avail - what the hell was this guy? "Don't worry, this won't take long."

"Fuck you," Naruto managed to get out, and the guy laughed so hard and merrily he closed his eyes - which was a mistake, because Sakura took that opportunity to rush over to him and deliver a devastating kick to his balls. Naruto had to wince; he'd been on the receiving end of one of those before.

With a cry that could have been a roar, the guy immediately dropped Naruto, who fell to the floor completely ungracefully, holding his neck and coughing.

"Hurry," Sakura said, grabbing Naruto's arm and dragging him to his feet. They made a run for it, across the dance floor, the strobe lights making it look like they were moving in slow motion. The big guy had doubled over, and they were able to get a fair distance away before he was able to recover himself enough to pull out the gun from his belt.

The first shot was slightly wide, and Sakura screamed as it hit the DJ's stand and the music screeched to an abrupt stop. Now they could hear groans of pain from the injured, as well as the sounds of Kakashi and the dark haired man's fight as they each tried unsuccessfully to land a solid hit on one another.

"Alive, Kisame," called the man fighting Kakashi, as he ducked under a fierce looking roundhouse kick.

"Yeah yeah, I won't shoot _him_," Kisame replied, as he leveled his gun and took aim at Sakura.

Naruto realized what that meant but there was nowhere to take any cover. As Sakura continued to run he jumped into Kisame's line of sight to put himself between her and the bullet, figuring he'd be safe if they wanted him alive. Unfortunately, Kisame had already pulled the trigger.

He only had time to think, "Shit," and braced himself for the impact.

But it never came. There was the sound of another gunshot mere milliseconds after the first, and the bullet never reached Naruto.

"What the fuck?" Kisame exclaimed as his bullet was shot out of the air.

Naruto stared. Someone... had someone just _shot_ the _moving bullet_?

Several feet to his right stood the man he'd spoken to earlier at the bar, gun in hand. He looked as cranky and personality-less as he had when Naruto had talked to him earlier. In fact, the only difference seemed to be the red glasses he was wearing, which now had three black commas on each lens, directly over his pupils.

A grin broke out on Kisame's face upon seeing the guy with the glasses, and he called out to his companion. "Hey, Itachi, look who's here!"

"You didn't notice him earlier, Kisame?" Itachi said, sounding amused. Despite that, he almost landed a punch on Kakashi, but the older man managed to back flip out of the way. "You're so unobservant."

The guy in the glasses suddenly looked pissed, and his grip tightened on his gun.

"Naruto!" Sakura called, having reached the door. "Hurry!"

"Hey!" Naruto said to the guy who had just saved him. "Come on!"

The man ignored him, leveling his gun at Itachi, but Kisame didn't plan to give him the chance to fire, barreling toward him. The man didn't blink, he was so focused on taking aim at Kakashi's opponent, Naruto wasn't even sure he saw Kisame coming.

"Naruto go!" Kakashi called to him. "Now!"

But Naruto, in his usual recklessness, wasn't just about to watch this guy get pummeled after he'd just saved his ass. He ran for the big ugly dude, tackling him from the side, with way more strength than one might have expected from a somewhat short guy in a suit. They both fell to the ground, Kisame's gun clattering from his hand and sliding across the dance floor.

* * *

><p>Of course it was Itachi. No wonder Kimimaro had said it was about to get messy. Fucking Itachi. Standing there saying he had known he was here, then continuing to fight Kakashi, like Sasuke wasn't even worth his fucking time.<p>

Well, fine by him. Itachi could fight Kakashi, and Sasuke would shoot him in the head. How'd that sound?

Sasuke had him, right in his vision. The Sharingan lenses let him follow his movements easily. He could almost see what Itachi would do seconds before he actually moved. So he took aim and he fired, right between the eyes.

And, somehow, Itachi dodged; sidestepping the bullet as if it were an insect.

His older brother met his eyes, and he smirked. Blind rage overtook him and he took aim again, but the shrill scream of that pink haired girl brought him out of it.

"NARUTO!"

Sasuke blinked, realizing the blonde was now wrestling with Kisame on the ground. That seemed like a stupid plan, as Kisame probably had a good hundred pounds on him. But to his surprise, the blonde landed a decent punch on his nose, and the bigger man let go of him long enough for him to scramble to his feet.

Sasuke was about to ignore his target, and take aim at his brother again, but the blonde was suddenly coming toward him.

"Come the fuck on!" the blonde said, surprising Sasuke by grabbing his wrist and pulling him toward the door.

"Naruto! No!" Kakashi said, when he saw his charge unknowingly running off with a different enemy, but his distraction let Itachi land a hard kick to his stomach and he flew into the DJ's sound system, turntables crashing around him.

"Kakashi!" Naruto turned, clearly thinking about going back to help his bodyguard, but Sasuke grabbed his arm and yanked him out the door and into a dark side alley that smelled like vomit and piss. This was too perfect a setup to give up, no matter how much he wanted to run back in there and kill Itachi.

"Don't be an idiot," Sasuke said. "He can take care of himself."

"Let go of me, bastard!" Naruto replied.

The pink haired girl was there. "He's right, Naruto!" she said as Sasuke slammed the door shut behind them. "Kakashi will be fine, we need to get you someplace safe before they find you."

Sasuke pulled what looked like a tiny blow torch out of his pocket, which was surprisingly strong enough to easily weld the metal door shut. It would only slow them down, but it would at least buy some time.

"What are you doing, we have to go back-" Naruto began, but trailed off in a squawk of indignation as Sasuke picked him up and threw him over his shoulder. The sound of sirens nearing the club began to get louder as Sasuke headed down the street for his car.

* * *

><p><em>AN: I don't even know. I've had the first few pages of this sitting on my computer for, literally, years. And I'm finally at a place where I feel the writer's block that's plagued me for what feels like forever may have gone away. _

_The reason I'm not currently continuing Reunion is because I've fallen very behind on the Naruto canon. And from what I hear, where that's gone has turned that fic into its own kind of AU. I very well may choose to continue that as an AU at some point, but seeing as I just sat down and restarted the anime, I think it might be a while._

_So, why have I decided to go with this other AU? Because I wanted to write something that canon can't make completely obsolete halfway through. It gets me discouraged when that happens, which is why Reunion's been untouched for the last several years. _

_Instead I have taken our lovely characters and tossed them into a slightly different setting so I may torture them as I see fit and nothing can contradict me. I hope it's enjoyable. _


End file.
